Is Stubbornness a Good Sign?

I do know the answer to that question.  Yes, the fact that David feels like he can test me to the limits with his stubbornness is a good thing.  He feels safe and comfortable with me and that allows him to test me like a normal 3 year old.  But I have to admit he maybe more stubborn and thick headed than I am.  My mother always laughed and said I would have a child that got me back for being so stubborn...well mom, this is the one.

I fully understand that this is normal for a child of 3 to test his/her boundaries, but it doesn't make it any easier to deal with.  I have taken many ''mommy time outs'' today and I released a long drawn out sigh when he is finally in bed asleep.  This is one of those days that I know I love this child instead of feeling like I love him.  These feelings come with some guilt also.  Funny how I feel guilty when I have failed to show grace to David because I know that God has given so much grace to me.  Shouldn't I be able to leave that guilt at the feet of Christ because of his grace.  Yet, sometimes I seem to get stuck in that guilt. I start feeling bad for my children because they got the short end of the stick with me as their mom. (that was not said to gain pity, but just an honest thought at points)

It is hard to find the right balance between grace and clear rules that he can understand and learn to abide by to work in a family.  It is hard to know that what I am doing is the best for his emotions, comprehensive level, and attachment.  Right now I seem to be second guessing myself and trying to remember all the things I have studied for adopted children and and a toddlers psychology.  It was so much easier when I was working with other parents helping them with their children.  Right now I seem to be too close to see the clear direction to go in.  To be very honest, I am simply tired.  David is wearing me down and I need to take a few steps back.

I think this simply looks like true parenting.  Whether your child is adopted or not, parenting is not for the light hearted.  It will take you to the very edge of your sanity (sometimes over) and back.  Children will break your heart...sometimes with their behavior and sometimes because their behavior shows you hurt that has happened to them before they ever came to your family.

I need to remember that I do not hold all the answers.  I need to remember that it is not personal and I need to discipline out of the fact that I love him and not out of the fact that I want control (I think that line blurs sometimes). Don't tell my children (because they believe mommy knows everything) but I think I know only about 1%.  From that one percent, I do know this...I am so thankful to have my wonderful husband to help me, back me up, talk things through, to bring me back to what really matters.  The second thing that I know of that 1% is that God doesn't expect perfection, he knows I am going to make mistakes.  But he does expect me to come to him and not mimic David's actions with my own towards him.  After all, I am an adopted child too and learning to be fully attached and fully trusting is not an easy thing.  I am sure my behavior has matched David's on many days.

Laurie