What Brings Us To His Feet?

Today is just another day, with all the rituals and non-glamerous things a mom does.  But inside my mind and heart things are moving.  So what is seen on the outside is no where near the volcanoe that is churning on the inside.  There are many cues that have brought me to the place where I am.  Sadly, one of those cues is the fact that my devotional life has been slipping for sometime now.  '' All of the sudden'', I realize that I have been trying to forge so many things on my own again.  ''All of the sudden'', that tidal wave that leaning on Jesus always helps me ride is now overtaking me.

Another cue that has made this impact on me is the referral of our newest son.  Adding to my family makes me take a metal checklist of what is good and not so good, especially about me as mommy.  Our son will come with needs, wants, desires, fears that Andreas and I will have to work through with him and sometimes for him.  He will come with an instant language barrier into a biligual family.  He will come with the desperate need (whether he knows it or not) to know Abba.  So how can I show him, love him properly, and overcome for him, if I haven't spent true time with Abba and have wandered off like a head-strong teenager yet again.  The truth is I can't.

My third cue is the tug-of-war I see in my 6 year olds life.  The tug-of-war between the world and Jesus.  What mom and dad are teaching me and what I hear and see at school.  Sometimes I just want to scream with anger as I see the innocence of my child disappear into the reality of what is.  To be very honest I feel like, at this point, I am losing that battle.  As I scramble to figure out how to help Samuel overcome this with Christ, I realize my folly yet again.  When was the last time I fell at His feet and let my heart burn with Christ's desire and not my own.

So as my mental checklist goes on I realize, yet again, I can do nothing without Him.  I have more special needs than my son!  So I find myself bursting at the seams to yet again, ''seek ye first....''.  Everyday brings forth new and wonderful news about our son's homecoming and my heart says, ''seek ye first...''.  Every afternoon when I pick up Sam from school and he tells me all the not-so-good things he has said in the day (he is wonderfully honest), my heart says, ''seek ye first...''.  Every evening when I just simply want to shut down from all the things that pile up in the day, my heart says, ''seek ye first...''.  So I guess what I am really reminding myself here is that it is not really MY heart saying anything, but Abba say, ''come child.''

Laurie