This is Hardly Easy

Looks Easy!

Attachment... how and when does it happen?  Unfortunately there is no simple answer to that.   Each child has had to endure different circumstances, and different care givers. Each child has their own personalities, strengths and weaknesses.  There is no mathematical solution for the perfect and quick attachment for all in the family.  We have been dealing with our own attachment issues.  David is perfectly attached to me and that began in China.  It has taken and is taking a little longer for Andreas, but it is the attachment between Sam and David that worries me the most.

Small glimpses of friendship

This summer has given us just small glimpses of what could be a friendship between our boys.  Samuel has gone from having all the toys, attention and love for over 5 years, to being a sibling.  David has gone from 3 different caregivers to having a mommy and daddy and actually getting his own toys for the first time in his memory (he was with his biological family for one year before they had to find him medical help by relinquishing him).  These factors don't make for an easy transition for our boys.  

As much as we tried to prepare Sam for this event, he still believed he was getting a sibling that would do everything he said to and that would be able to communicate perfectly.  On one of the first days home I overheard Samuel telling David that they were going to play together.  He went on to give instructions on how that was going to happen...

Sam:  David we are going to play with duplo.  

David: uuuhhh

Sam:  Since you don't know how to play with it and I do... you can watch while I play.

David:  AAAAAHHHHHHHH (as he reaches for the duplo Sam has just taken away).

This was just a small taste of what our summer has looked like.  As David becomes more comfortable he also becomes more assertive.  As David becomes more assertive, Sam becomes more irritated.  David communicates with some sign language, some words (almost) and mostly grunts, Sam has really struggled with how to adapt and understand.  As a mom it has also been a bit frustrating for me because the default setting on David seemed to be this grunting yell if he didn't get his way.  Now I am starting to notice a guttural growl when he is frustrated or doesn't get his way.  

Samuel has also struggled with knowing the difference between being a brother and being a parent.  He continually wants to tell David what to do and tell him no if Sam believes he is doing something wrong.  Poor Sam has heard... ''Stop being a parent''... many times this summer and I am sure it will flow into Fall and Winter (maybe his life).  Of course David doesn't take correction very well from Sam.  

So what could we have done to make this transition easier.  To be honest I have no earthly clue.  These are things that siblings learn when they become siblings, but we didn't start with the baby stage, we went straight for the toddler.  That makes it hard, but not impossible.  It makes it frustrating, but still very much worth it.  These lessons are family lessons.  Lessons that both of these boys will take with them into their families someday.  Learning to live with another that shares your room, your parents, your toys, your food and gets on your last nerves sometime.  These are not easy lessons for an adult let alone 

children, but they are lessons that I want them to learn now.  Even though it has been frustrating to break up yet another argument or fight over a toy I am praying that these lessons will stick.  Of course they will have to be reminded from time to time, but hopefully there will be longer periods of time between each reminder.  

A couple of weeks ago I was at my wits end when I believe the Lord reminded me of the goal with these two.  That was that they would become friends and love one another.  So I, in return, reminded Sam.  One of the absolutely beautiful things about Sam is his heart for people and God.  Early in the summer he made a small Bible.  In it he drew pictures and wrote a few words to remind himself what those pictures were about.  Each page was about a Bible story...the Good Samaritan, the cross, the resurrection, Zacheus, feeding the 5000 and so on.  He said he made this book so that when we were mad or frustrated we could look at it and remember Jesus and what Jesus wants us to learn from these stories.  He went to this book many times this summer and he would hand us this book when we needed it.  Then he would come back to is with his thoughts and oooohhh how sweet those thought were and how true. Sam reminded us so many times of the patience, grace and attachment that Jesus has for us and has shown us.   When I reminded Sam about being friends with his brother he pointed out Zacheus.  Sam then proceeded to tell me that Jesus became friends with Zacheus and he was friends with us.   All I could say was thank you Jesus for this sweet heart and the gentle reminder.  

Since that time things have gotten a little better.  Sam has started first grade and that might have really helped.  When Sam gets home the boys actually can play without fighting for a little while.  Today when David and I came home from a doctors appointment, Sam was already home with Andreas.  David raced out of the car screaming Samuel's name and ran to hug him (unusual).  Sam lit up and said it was the best hug for a long time.  

So while this sibling attachment is taking longer than I would like and the lessons are harder than they would like, it is working.  David is attaching... to all of us.  Are there moments when I feel like a monster because I am so frustrated I have to take mommy time-outs...yes.  Are there moments (like right now) that I feel like I need a break from it all...yes.  Are there moments when I need to pray to Jesus for the correct love for both of my children...yes.  But then there are those beautiful moments that God reminds me that he has done all of this for me, and he didn't have to take time-outs or any breaks... he just kept on loving me.  (that is not to negate that sometimes breaks are necessary!)

Not exactly happy to have to share Farmor.  

 

So I will look forward to the days when I see more friendship than fights.  

When I see more acceptance and love than frustrations.  

When I see two brothers who share secrets from their parents. 

 I  am believing in faith that it will happen.  

I am believing it because I know a mighty God that puts children in our hearts 

and orphans in our families to become full members and not longer orphans. 

Because I know a God that did that for me, and I know how much I fail.   

Yet he wanted me to be a full member in his family...

fights, frustrations and all.  

At the end of the day, I still have to relinquish it to Jesus (not as easy as it sounds) and rest...really rest.

 Laurie

Still Here

Yes, we haven't fallen off the Earth, just the grid for the last month.  I do have a lot to share in thought and pictures, but that will come in a week or two.  I would still appreciate if everyone would be praying for the two prayer requests below.  Karl, by the grace of God, is doing amazingly well, but still needs your prayers and the people in Norway are still grieving and need prayer.  

I will leave you with two pics that will let you know we are still here.  

Blessings,

laurie

Prayers Needed

There are two major prayers that are on my mind right now.

1.  You can pop over to http://aplacecalledsimplicity.blogspot.com/
and be praying for Karl.  He was in a motorcycle accident at the beginning of the week and is fighting for his life.  We are praying that his lungs will stay clear of all infection, his brain will heal, and he will open his eyes voluntarily.  He is a young man that loves the Lord and many are interceding on his behalf...would you also please.

2.  For the people of Norway and those involved in the tragedy that has happened.  This is huge in Scandinavia and we are all reeling from the carnage.  There are families of at least 85 youth that are morning them today, not to mention the youth that got away and lived through the nightmare.  Then there are the families of those who lost their lives at the government building.  I believe the toll is 91 in all right now.  Please also pray for the men that did the crime and their families.  These men obviously have a lot of hate for multicultural societies (not to mention all of us adoptive families).  They need Jesus too.  On the news they are calling these men Christian Fundamentalists/Extremists.  Please pray that people would realize that they had nothing to do with Christ and that people would see Christ near in the healing.

Thank you,
Laurie

Birthdays....

On the 14th my wonderful husband celebrated 37 years of life.  We were together with his parents at their summer home on the ocean.  So a little late on the blog, but happy birthday to my wonderful husband and an awesome father.  Below are pictures that show what we did that day.  

I also wanted to mention that on the 16th my brother turned 40 years old (man your old!).  Happy Birthday Enzo, we love and miss you.  

Blessings,

Laurie

Don't worry folks, he has total control!

The day ended with this incredible rainbow.  It was actually a full one, but I couldn't capture the whole thing.   Thanks God for the amazing show...and the promise.

Even though they look a little radio active it is just the sunset.  Here are the wonderful parents that created and raised my amazing husband.  Thank you mom and dad you did a great job.  

We had the added privilege of seeing a seal on land during our boating trip.  We usually don't see them on land so close in the archipelago, so this was a treat for us all.    

This is dad enjoying a little playtime.  Actually he is playing with Sam, but I couldn't resist snapping a picture that looks like he is playing alone. 

David learning how to steer the boat.  We went in many circles!

Sweet Smiles and Sleep

 Hello All,

We are doing well.  It is amazing how far David has come in 7 weeks of having a family.  Today I snapped the first picture where he actually smiled when I asked him too.  It is the first one below and I think it is so sweet.  We are living out at our house in the woods and learning to be a family.  The boys fights are fewer and fewer, but still there (and probably always will be), David is feeling more stabil (I think).  All the friends that have seen him lately have said that he looks more confident and safe.  I am amazed at how his body shape is changing with all the exercise and fun we are having.  He is really starting to get muscle tone (which he had practically none of) and he is not nearly as clumsy as he was when we first got him.

I am constantly amazed that I have two beautiful boys and thankful for the grace of Christ that gave them to us.  What a blessing they are and will continue to be.  (don't get me wrong, I do get frustrated and angry with them now and again, but I will always be thankful the I have that chance to feel all those mommy feelings and do all those mommy things).

I hope everyone is having a wonderful summer.  Andreas preaches this Sunday and next so he goes to his little stuga (cabin) and works on his sermons, the kids and I play, play, play and play.  We are always glad when daddy gets to join the fun also (which is quite a lot lately). These are the days that get us through the dark winters, so I am not going to squander them.

Bye for now,
Laurie

He actually smiled at the camera, that's a first.

He was definitely being tickled for this smile.  

Samuel loving riding the horse at the Borås Zoo

Today's fun activity at the lake.  I believe that Samuel is instructing him on how to use the rubber dingy.

While we were rowing back to land, David fell asleep.  We put him on the ground while we unpacked the boat and he was sound asleep.  He would have had a hissy fit if he knew he was laying in grass (still having issues with textures).

Now that is the picture of a sound sleeper. Disclaimer: I know it looks a little dangerous in this pic, but it really wasn't.  He can't roll into the lake because of the life vest and where he was laying. 

Sweet Summer Pics

Just the boys being boys.  Fun and crazy!

David loves my bag clips.  So he uses them for various things.  This day he decided they would look good in his hair. Sam is just being silly...pretty normal.

I was shocked the David actually pet the animals at the petting zoo.  Progress...thank you Jesus for progress.  

Where there is water...there will be the Kjernald boys.

All that fun makes a boy tired.

Hope everyone is having a good summer.  

Blessings,

Laurie

The Spoon Foundation Survey

Ladies and Gentlemen it is a double post today so don't stop at this one.

I found a nutrition help a few months back called the Spoon Foundation. http://www.spoonfoundation.com/  It had information about nutritional needs for adopted children.  I was quite interested in what they were trying to do with education and getting needed nutrition to children in orphanages around the world.  Of course it is started by moms who have adopted children that had special needs.  These needs turned out to be nutritional and not severe medical needs.  They asked me to put up this survey so they can help more adopted parents with there questions about transitioning children from their native diet to their new diet when adopted.  Please take the time to fill it out.  I think this is worth it.

The link is:
http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/LZYBK9C

Blessings,
Laurie

Swedish Summers

As most people know Scandinavia is not known for it's warm weather.  But I have to say, that when summer does come it is the best day of the year!  Ha ha... when it does finally get warm and stop raining Sweden is one of the most beautiful places I know.  However, last week was very discouraging.  It was very cold and rainy.  

During all the rain of last week, David and I went to the store to buy him rubber boots (an essential in Sweden).  I learned a lesson from buying those boots for him.  Apparently, he had noticed that we all had them.  When I started trying them on him at the store he lit up and wouldn't take them off the whole time.  He clearly communicated that he wanted to wear them and not the ones he came in with.  Of course I thought it was cute, but didn't think much of it.  When we got home David made sure to show Andreas and Sam his new gummy boots.  Again, very cute, but the lesson was about to come.  He ran into the house and took his boots off and put them right next to Samuel's gummy boots.  He pointed the them and said ''Amel'' (David's version of Samuel), then he pointed to his and said ''Avid''.  Then Andreas was putting his on and David got so excited, pointed to Andreas' boots and said ''A..A'' (Pappa).  Then of course we had to name mine also.  His excitement grew each time.  He did this over and over again.  He loved having the same as the rest of the family, it placed him with us...on the same level.  I truly feel like it made him feel loved and like he belonged here.  What was to me a necessity, to him meant that he fit in.  

And it makes me think again what it means to belong in a family.  To him it was as simple as boots and to look the same. What does it mean to me to be in the family of God?  What do I need to feel like I fit in God's family? How can I look like my family?  Not only the outside, but inside my heart and mind.  

Romans 12:1-2 

Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. ² Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

So I rejoice with my son that he is beginning to understand family. I understand that I still need to work on being a part of my family.  I need to continually renew my mind and look more and more like Christ and less like my selfish self.  I believe I forget that so easily and yet a little child can be used to show me once again.  Adoption is not just bound to the physical form that we experience, but the spiritual that we  base our lives upon.  

Romans 8:14

For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God. ¹⁵ The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship.^[f] And by him we cry, “Abba,^[g] Father.” ¹⁶ The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. ¹⁷ Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.

I am thankful to be reminded of this and am humbled to be parenting two boys that continually show me God's grace every day of my life.  I simply have to take the time and look.  

Blessings,

Laurie

Here is David in his new boots and rain gear.

Enjoying the outdoors even in the very cold weather.

For those of you who don't know there is a Midsummer Festival in Sweden.  They dance around the May pole (which still looks very much like the fertility symbols of the old pagan rituals) and sing about small green frogs and other silly little kids songs (I think you have to be Swedish to get it).  We don't actually participate in this fun, but Sam managed to get the flower head wreath from Andreas' cousins who were celebrating at the other summer home just down the lane.  The boys looked adorable.

We decide to go up to the ocean house and join the rest of the family for a little fun and the sun finally came out and warmed this beautiful land.

Mom knows how to enjoy a warm day!

We had lots of fun on the new slip and slide.

If there is water...David is there!

Then this amazing thing happened.  David actually went into the grass without shoes!  This is a first folks.  He hates to get his feet on anything.  I was so proud.  

Andreas relaxing and enjoying some warmth.  

Today we went to our favorite lake and rowed out to the ''Island of Sodor'' as Sam so named it years ago.  David was a bit sleepy but I love how he looks in my sunglasses.  He is so hip!

Yes, everyday we do see progress and below are two ways that has happened.  On another note that needs some prayer... David has night terrors.  They seemed to be getting better and he would even go some nights without whining, but the past two nights he has been sitting up in bed and fighting with something when I come in (tonight I only heard two whines before I was with him).  He calms down immediately once I get to him.  I just need to put him in my arms and he stops fighting and sleeps again.  He doesn't fight going to sleep so he obviously doesn't remember anything.  I don't know what he is fighting in his sleep, but it breaks my heart, but I know that Jesus can calm this fear we just need to ask.  Will you please pray for him with me?  

Thank you,

Laurie

This is the boy that a month ago would not let me put him down and would hold his feet up as far as possible so that the dog would not get him.  He was terrified (no exaggeration) of this dog.  Today he did this spontaneously!  Praise Jesus for even the simplest of progress.  

I love this picture.  The boys are so interested in Pappa working with tools.  I am so thankful that David was not afraid.  When we first got home he was afraid of all loud noises.  

New Days, New Jealousies, New Steps to Normal

Lest anyone thinks that this is all ease and fun....think again. 

I watch as Samuel struggle with not wanting David around to wanting David to pay a ton of attention to him.  I watch David want to do everything that his big brother is doing, but then scream anytime Samuel gets near the toys that David happens to be playing with.  I watch them both be jealous of each other with mom and dad.  However, there are moments when they are playing together beautifully and giggling with each other and it makes my heart melt.  I really believe that they will be good friends one day, it will just take time and effort.  

Even though Sam has had his moments, I have to say that never once has he hit David, even when David has repeatedly hit him.  I am really proud of Sam for that. He will be a great big brother (once he is allowed to get near David without a scream).  David is learning that Sam will not always (just sometimes) rip the toy away from him.  However, a lot of the screams comes from lack of ability to communicate with us.  I am hoping that we will get the ball rolling on speech therapy soon.  David is also doing a lot better with the hitting and his anger is subsiding.  I know he has had to go through a lot (understatement).  So it is good to see him relaxing more and not hitting everyone...except his brother...and that may never go away!

But this mom (and dad) are in love with both of these boys and thankful for them despite the jealousies.  

Blessings,

Laurie

This boy adores water... even the freezing water of Sweden. I love to see him laugh and be free of the cares he has had to deal with.   

Sam is about to take a horse ride and I think he looks precious in that helmet (or helmhat as he calls it).

Here is a typical jealous picture.  Sam wanted me and David will not let go either.  They are getting better though. We are making sure that they both get us one on one sometimes.  

14 Years

Yesterday was my 14 year anniversary.  My wonderful husband has actually put up with me and loved me through it all for 14 years.  Yes, I can hear the applause now.  In all seriousness, he has been an incredible husband, friend and father.  I continue to be blessed by this amazing man of God.  I am thankful for who he is and what he is continuing to become.  I love his passion for theology and apologetics and his desire to  show others the practical love of Christ.  I look forward to what God has for us in the future and walking the path with him, side by side.
Laurie

I really love this picture.  We were in Urumqi and they were flying kites in the square.  So sweet. 

This is my husband the last night in China (after his shaver stopped working).  He is a handsome man!

Samuel's Kindergarden Avslutning (graduation)

This past Wednesday Sam graduated from Kindergarden.  Yes, all you Americans are thinking...but he is six.  Here in Sweden they start Kindergarden a year later.  For Sam this has been a really good thing.  It has helped him mature a little more and face the challenges that have come down the pipe.  So this Fall he will be in first grade.  Where did the time go? Unfortunately I cannot share the pictures because they have other kids in them.  However, if anyone would like to leave Sam a graduation wish feel free.

Blessings,

Laurie

Progress

There are moments and days that I wonder if we are moving forward and progressing with David.  Then there are days that I absolutely know we are.  However, as I am judging how well or not well I am doing I have to remember that it has been less than a month that he has been with us.  This Thursday will be a month and it will also be my 14th anniversary.

I am truly amazed at how children adapt and learn.  I know it is not always easy, but I have seen a lot of adopted children and they always amaze me (even those who have a harder time with the adjustment).  To think that less than a month ago this precious little guy walked into a room in Urumqi with no idea that he would be wisked away to Sweden, have to adjust to yet another placement in his life and learn two new languages when he has enough problems trying to speak Mandarin.  Yet, he is blooming.  David changes a little everyday.   We learn new things about his personality and his audacity, his sense of humor and his stubborness.  Yet there is one area that he cannot express yet, but I know it is there.  That is his saddness and insecurity.  He must wonder what has happened to his foster mom and his foster siblings.  He must wonder why he went from a place where all the people look like him to lots of blonde people (he watches any Asian person he sees with great intensity).

I know I will have to wait for some of this sadness to come out, but I hear it in his cry at night.  He kind of wakes up and cries.  He has only actually cried for mamma once.  All the other times it is just a cry.  It is really sad for me to hear and breaks my heart that he has gone through so much in his short life.  I lay down beside him and caress his face or arm and tell him mamma is there.  He eventually calms and falls into a deep sleep again.  I wonder when that will disappear.  I wonder what it exactly is.  I wonder if he did it in China also.  So for now I just comfort and pray over this precious child that we are falling deeper and deeper in love with.

I remind myself that there is a Healer and He has placed David here with us.  How humbled I am yet again to be a mother by the grace of God.  How humbled I am to lead both of my precious boys to the cross and pray with all I have that they take hold of it and live for Jesus.  I may not know what happened to David or Sam before we were blessed with them, but Christ does, and he wants to redeem it all.

So we will continue to live and learn as a family and as children of God.  I will continue to enjoy the bedtime routine with David as he jumps on top of me and kisses me with all his might (the kissing thing is new to him).  I will continue to enjoy hearing and seeing my boys learn to play and laugh together.  I will continue to watch in wonder as Andreas fathers our children in such a Christ-like way and David learns the wonders of having and incredible daddy.  I will continue to be amazed as both Samuel and David become the men that God wants them to be.  And I will always be thankful for the gift of being a mother.

Blessings,
Laurie

This was taken at the Heavenly Lake outside of Urumqi.  It was the first time that David and Sam really connected and eventually even held hands together.  It was quite precious.