When Will We See the Big Picture?

I know that there are many of you out there that read my blog, but I have no idea who you are. When I think of that, sometimes it is harder to share my feelings, mainly my deep sorrows and my shortcomings. But in the attempt to give God the glory, I will put words to how I feel right now.

For a week now Andreas and I have been grieving over the shut down of our Nepal adoption. Yes, you have read that right. After so many years of trying to adopt again and days away from a match we have been told it is over by the Swedish central authority, MIA. There is no way to explain how this has effected me on so many levels. The tears that I cry cannot do the sorrow justice. My biggest question is "why did that happen God?" I wish I could see the big picture. The one that gives God the glory for all of this sorrow, but for now I must walk through the emotions.

I still trust that the Lord is in control of even this shut down, but it is hard for me to "move on" so to speak. Nepal is very dear to our hearts. When we picked up Samuel, we not only fell in love with our son, but the land and people that are a part of him. We have been led by God to continue work in the country and in the hope that someday we can start or pair with an existing ministry to give a place of hope, rehabilitation and family for those who have none. All of this fills our conversations, the way we approach life, the way we spend our money, the way we give, and we thought...the way we adopt. Samuel has been clear that he wants a sister from Nepal (which has been something that has effected our choices also). When Nepal opened back up just in time for us to put in a dossier we truly believed it was the Lord giving us this opportunity. So in that, begs my question of "why".

Within the past few months I have felt my faith be strengthened in many different ways and with the help of many different people in my life (some of them being my blog readers). I have come out of a funk that I have been in since taking two rounds of clomed in 2004 (I know that sounds drastic, but it is very true - those little pills messed with me so much and I still deal with their effects). I wonder now if the Lord was strengthening me to deal with this blow. I can do nothing but humbly thank him for the strength and the support group that he has placed around me. Many of you have heard me state that even though I feel like the Lord has told me it will be okay, that doesn't mean that I necessarily get what I want. This so happens to be the case.

I have gone from tears to anger, to sorrow, to exhaustion, to numbness and of course, more tears. I have a lack of motivation to continue with anything right now, mainly my Swedish lessons (I need God's strength to keep that one going). I have had a strong desire to post the name of the one woman that has stopped our adoption from MIA, along with her phone number (so everyone could call her of course), but I find myself praying for her instead (I know that is not me, but Jesus within me, there is no other explanation). I want to scream and get angry with people, but find myself fasting and praying and finding my strength in these things. My husbands observation is that maybe the glory for God comes from our realization that we can do nothing on our own. It is now a total surrender to our Lord a complete reliance. This could be the case.

When we had to finally tell Samuel he was angry. He said we should go get her anyway. Andreas said that we couldn't because when we flew back into Sweden they would stop us from coming in. He got this really mean look on his face and said "Pappa, I'll hold them and you can run in with Jane!" If only..... Samuel has shown some sadness and some anger, but still states that Jane is in Nepal and he wants her. I told him that maybe we made a mistake and now we must listen to God to see where Jane or maybe a brother for him is. In response he has now told me that he wants a sister and a brother. He is getting pretty demanding!!! However, I would love to be able to make that wish come true. Will it? I don't know.

I do know that at some point we will resume with an adoption. Our options are limited but we are praying for direction on where to go. I don't know what the future holds, for now it is a longer wait and that hurts. For now it is not a Nepali girl, and that hurts too. For now, it is the end of one dream, and again, that hurts. For now, I cry to God and am in need of his constant comfort.

The things that I am thankful for are my family. I have an incredible husband and everytime we face hard things are marriage gets better. I have an incredible son whom I could not have had without God's moving in my life. I have wonderful friends (who are sadly dispersed all over the world) that have shown love, kindness, support and prayers. I have everything that I need. We do not lack food, shelter, clothes, etc. I have a God that will not leave me in despair, but lift me up and show me which way to go, and in the end take me home to be with him.

Please pray for the families still fighting for their Nepali adoption (and the families flying to get their children). For Nepal to make the changes necessary to protect the children, the money to help the children and Nepali parents. For us to know where to go next and find a new dream for a new child. For the glory of God in all of this to shine through and for our grief to see the beauty of what is next. For the other adoptive parents that have been told "no" and for the lady in Sweden that made that decision.

I will be rooting for the rest of you.

Blessings,

Laurie

Easter Pics as Promised

As always, Samuel and I wore our Nepali cloths for Easter Sunday. I celebrated Easter in Nepal is 2007 and love the international church there. It is a good reminder that Easter is for everyone, not just our own little private circle or church! Samuel is beautiful. I know, I am bias. However, I love these clothes on him. I can't believe he is already in the biggest one. I will have to go back and get a bigger one. Hopefully, I will be going back......;) I absolutely love that Samuel put on penny loafers with this outfit. So cute!

I am so sad this one is a little blurry. Can you tell by his smile that I make him smile a lot for photos....

The Fam. I actually fit into the little shirt that was made for this sahri (exciting for me)! For all those Nepali people following this blog, I am sorry if I didn't put the sahri on right. I need more lessons.

Easter Pics as Promised cont.

We had an American party at a friends house. These were all American women married to Swedish men (there are quite a few of us). I am sure that Mike will appreciate this butt shot. This is the beginning of hiding the eggs. Jonas and Michael are the sneaky ones (in the rain).

Many impatient children....

Look mom, sugar!!!!!!
I am not sure what was happening during this pic, was he smiling...trying to get the egg open...constipated? It makes me laugh.

Glad Påsk (Happy Easter)

Hello Everyone,

Sorry for the silence lately, been pretty busy. We had a wonderful Easter and Holy Week. It was a really good time of reflection and focus on Christ. Good Friday Andreas and I watched "The Passion" like we always do. It is torture to watch it, but good for the reflection and the realization that this really happened, it is not just a story that we go over once a year.

One of our parishoners went to be with Jesus on Holy Saturday. She was a spunky 90 something. She had lived her life for Jesus and was ready to worship him in Paradise. We were able to say goodbye to her on the night of Good Friday and Andreas prayed with her. I praise Jesus for this ministry that we have the priviledge to be a part of. Even though, I cry at those times, I am truly excited for these Saints that are going to be with Jesus.

I do have some Easter pics, but those will not get on here today. I will try to get them up tomorrow. It has become an Easter tradition for Sam and I to wear our Nepali clothing. He has officially grown out of the first two outfits that we bought and we are on the biggest and last of them. I didn't think he would outgrow them so quickly. But he still looks adorable.

I pray that you all have had a worshipful time this Easter and are renewed and thankful for the very real redemption that Christ paid for us.

Blessings,

Laurie

Palm Sunday

Today is one of my favorite Sundays. I have always been interested by Palm Sunday and the fact that Jesus allowed the worship for the first and last time in his ministry. How he states that the rocks would cry out if the people did not, or how he weeps over Jerusalem and say that even you could have come to me.

Andreas preached on how the crowd went from adoration on this day to condemnation 5 days later. How they had an image of what they wanted Jesus to be, not what he actual was. That is what we do so often now. We have "our" Jesus. The one we want him to be and not who he actually is. Andreas challenged the congregation to meet the real Jesus and not what we try to make him. I think that is a great point and one that I have been looking at lately. Just thought I would share.

Samuel sang a little song for the church today during the children's time. That is pretty easy seeing that we have only two children currently. He has been waking up in the mornings saying he wants to go to church to worship. I think that is awesome. On Sundays he says that he wants to preach. Maybe one of these days he will. I know I am his mom, but I think he is great and amazing.

I hope that you all have a wonderful, worshipful Holy week. Wednesday is a deadline in our adoption. Please be praying. I am emotionally exhausted at this point and not as patient as I should be. I need to do better.

I wanted to let you all know that God's Littlest Angels in Haiti has posted a video of some of the babies they are caring for. It is an adorable video and a great blog: www.godslittlesangelsinhaiti.org/andlifegoeson They do an amazing ministry in Haiti and have saved many children's lives. I encourage you to check it out and pray for them.

Blessings,

Laurie

Post Placement Adventures

When you adopt from Nepal you promise to do post placement reports twice a year until your child is 16. I have held true to my end of the bargin (and believe it very necessary to do so), but it has not been easy.

For the first couple of years we would send it to our agency and they would send it on to Nepal. Well, the agency no longer exsist! Then we sent it to the lawyer our agency used, but he moved buildings and that post placement got sent back to us. Now we send it to a good friend in Nepal and he is gracious enough to help out by submitting them to the Ministry. However, the one I sent in January had the wrong address on it and I just got it back (thank you to the person who did receive it in Nepal and was kind enough to mail it back to me)! Okay, now we are two months late.... got the corrected address will be posting it again tomorrow. We will try this again.

Just a word of encouragement to those with children from Nepal and doing post placement reports....keep doing them. It is very important no matter how difficult it is.

Please keep praying for Nepal, the children and the Ministry. Please also keep all the adoptive parents in prayer. The Lord is good.....all the time.

Blessings,

Laurie

Barnbarn och Barnbarns Barn (Grandchildren and Great Grandchild)

On my birthday we went to see Mormor and Morfar. We love being with them and they love seeing their grandkids and great grandkids anytime they can. I took some sweet pics of Morfar and Sam looking at old pictures and stamps together. At one point Sam reached up and put his arm around Morfar, but I didn't get a pic. It was precious. I pray that Sam will remember these wonderful people before they step into eternity. They have certainly impacted my life by their faith and kindness.

Sam knows he is the center of attention! This was also right before I gave him a haircut, he is my little hippy with his cloud shirt.

Looking intently at old pictures.

Morfar doesn't have much of any short term memory left, but he sure can tell you about his life, where he grew up and all of his siblings and friends. I love that he can still tell all this to Sam.

My Favorite Lake

These pics are a few weeks old, but wanted to get them up. The Saturday before my birthday I wanted to go to our favorite lake, which is still frozen solid, but beautiful non the less. We took a little "fika" (good Swedish word to know, means snack) and sat for a while in the quite beauty of this lake (Tinnsjon).

Kelty relaxing in the snow. Here is one animal the perfers the winter.

The ice was still at least a foot deep where we were sitting (the is after you dig through the foot of snow).

Fika time!

Just beautiful.

We are Swedish explorers going to the great unknown.... not really, but it's fun to pretend.

Birthday #36

Hello All,

Yes, this is my 36th birthday. I have one huge birthday wish. I bet most of you can guess what that is! My husband and son have been very sweet to me today and I appreciate that. My mother and father in law cooked me dinner and I had the priviledge of watching Samuel and Viktor run around together tonight. So sweet to watch. Viktor mimics all that Sam does and Sam loves the attention (that might be an understatement). Thank you family for being so kind.

Also, I wanted to thank all my friends for the birthday wishes. I appreciate them.

I found out through a friend adopting form Albania that they are having meetings tomorrow. So please pray that they match more families and allow more children to go to forever families! Also, continue to pray for Nepal and their adoption process.

Blessings,

Laurie

Update On A Few Things

Hello All,

I wanted to put some updates on here. First about the petition in the USA for Nepal. Fellow bloggers the Robinsons gave me a link so that you can still sign the petition. The update is as follows: The Nepal Families/Supporters petition is currently at 2,702 signatures. If you haven’t had a chance to sign it yet, here is the link: http://www.gopetition.com/online/34404.html. And please forward this link to friends and family members. We really need more signatures.

Also, I wanted to ask everyone to PRAY. There are some crucial things happening and we are daring to hope. Please join us in praying for Nepal, the children, and adoption. We thank you for all of your messages and support.

We are praying for you all,

Blessings,

laurie

My Smart and Very Funny Son

Hello All, I have been quiet for a little while. Nothing much out of the ordinary to tell and haven't had my camera out much. However, Samuel continues to thrill us with his growing and learning. He is really enjoying school and his teacher has said that he is doing really well. We set up a few goals for him to work towards (more social learning steps) and have praised him constantly. He is extremely interessed in numbers and letters now. The other night he started writing on the whiteboard we have for him and you can see the results in the picture below. First time he has written all the numbers out to 10. This was without us, all on his own. We were very proud.

The picture below needs a little explanation. In school they are talking about body parts. Now as you notice Sam has drawn a few more body parts than they are studying (very cute). Sam says this is a picture of him. Then he has also mind mapped the whole body (those are the lines with the bubbles on the end of them). They have been doing the mind mapping in school and he has totally taken it in. I love his innocense in asking about all the body parts that we have and we have had some pretty candid conversations lately (my boy is growing up). He asked me the other day if I would have a baby come out my penis (he did this with hand motions also, it was really hard not to laugh). So we talked about where a baby does come out. Then of course he had to ask how it gets in there! Before I answered that one I asked if they were talking about this in school. He innocently said, "no, I found a book in the library about babies." So without any details I told him that mommies and daddies put the babies in there. I was not prepared for that question yet. So now Andreas and I need to think of exactly how to explain it all. I have always been straight forward with him before about the body, but I don't know if I am ready for this one. With his little inquisitive mind I better get ready soon.

May we all be given the correct answers for our children.

Blessings,

Laurie

Haiti, Chile, Japan, Nepal, etc.....

The earth is moving everywhere it seems... missionaries to Chile from our church back home in the US are doing well. They are safe and housing other pastors and missionaries that are in need of shelter right now. Praise Jesus that many of Chile's buildings were built with earthquakes in mind. Again I ask all to pray for the country and the families that have lost loved ones. I do not know as much about Japan, but please pray for the people. Also, Nepal has experienced a small quake. I know that they happen a lot and we just don't hear about them but since it is in the news it seems like more than ever. Chile's was the second stronges ever on record and the missionaries said it lasted for 3 minutes (don't know if that is true or not). However, that would be very long minutes!

So as a reminder, please pray for these countries. That the earth would stop moving and that they would know the comfort of the Lord.

Thanx,

laurie

Keeping Your Chin Up

To all,

I am praying for you all today. I hope you feel the presence of the Lord and know his peace and comfort today. If you do not know his comfort today remember this, he knows where you are and will meet you there (no matter where that is).

To the Robinsons, thanks for putting the letter to the State Dept. on your blog. You are getting more help than you know. I would love to leave you a message, but your blog won't let me. So you get a public one. Blessings to you.

For all of you who haven't contacted your State Rep. yet, please do (even if you are not adopting), you can make a world of difference for a child that needs a family.

Blessings,

Laurie

Help for US Adoptive Parents to Nepal

Friends, I found this on another adoptive couples website. Please fill this out and past it on. It would be better for the countries to work with Nepal rather than shutting them down. Thank you for your time.

Dear Nepal Adoption Supporters:

I am writing to ask for your action to help prevent the U.S. government from stopping the processing of visas for adopted children in Nepal.

To participate in this effort, you would need to immediately e-mail your Senator and Representative to ask them to sign onto a Congressional Petition by MONDAY. I have written a letter you can use below, and there are also links below to easily find your senators and representatives.

WHAT:
Senator John Kerry is sponsoring a Congressional Petition to Secretary of State Clinton regarding the current Nepal adoption situation. The purpose of this letter is to urge the U.S. Government not to close Nepal adoptions, allowing current in-process families to go through. The letter asks the U.S. State Department to work proactively with the Government of Nepal to strengthen their newly reformed system under the new Terms and Conditions.

TO DO:
Please contact your Senators and Representatives immediately to ask for their support for the continuation of the US-Nepal adoption program by signing onto this letter. For their signatures to be included please have Staffers contact Megan Thompson atmegan_thompson@kerry.senate.gov by noon on Monday, March 1. Ms. Thompson can provide a copy of the letter. This is a non-partisan, bicameral initiative.

To make this as easy as possible:
1) You can look up your Senator's e-mail address on this website:http://www.senate.gov/general/contact_informat ion/senators_ cfm.cfm?OrderBy= state&Sort= ASC
2) You can look up your Representative's e-mail address on this website:https://writerep.house.gov/writerep/welcome.shtml
3) You can use the following text in your e-mails:

Dear [Senator/Representative]:
I am writing to ask you to sign on to a Congressional Petition being sponsored by Senator John Kerry to urge the U.S. State Department not to close adoptions from Nepal. I am [a family member or friend of a Nepal adoptive family] and know first-hand how important it is for orphaned children to have a family to love and care for them. Nepal is in the process of working toward reform in its adoption laws, which is a difficult process and takes time. This process should be supported by the U.S. Government so that vulnerable children in urgent need of families should not be kept in institutionalized care, which is detrimental to their health and development. Please contact Megan Thompson atmegan_thompson@kerry.senate.gov by noon on Monday, March 1, to sign on to Senator Kerry's letter.
Thank you in advance for your immediate action on this issue.
Sincerely,
[name, address, phone/email contact]

4) If possible, please forward this call to action to your friends.

Blessings,

laurie

A Voice for the Children

Hello all,

Not much to say for now, but found a great article on Nepal adoptions. Finally someone speaking up who knows the culture and knows the value of adoption for the children that are in the orphanages. Copy and paste the following address because I cannot, for the life of me, figure out how to get my blog to link again. It use to but I am about the rip out my hair trying to make it do it again. If anyone that has tips to do that in the english language would like to help me it would be appreciated. Here is the site. to go to:

www.myrepublica.com/portal/index.php?action=news_details&news_id=15541

Blessings and prayers to all,

laurie